Why do I always give my heart away so easily?
Please be gentle with it; it wants only to belong to you...
I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up.
But, you see, there was this conversation Sunday night. And it lasted over two hours. And it was perfect. I couldn’t bear to let it end and it was only with the promise of seeing him in person so soon that I allowed it to. He was so wonderful, so gentle, so sweet… and so completely genuine. At one point he accidentally turned on his webcam without knowing it and I saw his face. My heart soared. He was so handsome and he looked so completely happy and charmed by each word I said, like I was the only thing that mattered in the world. All the beautiful feelings that he first gave me five years ago came rushing back over me like a tidal wave and I wondered why we ever let our relationship die.
Oh dear, do I really want to go down this path again? Can I stand being in yet another long-distance relationship when every one I’ve had in the past has failed? For the right person, yes; for the right person I’d be able to withstand any distance put between us. But this is the same man that frustrated me so much for years, who caused me so much anguish and confusion simply because there’s always been this terrible ambiguity about our relationship.
If it’s meant to be, it will be. If it’s meant to be, it will be. It it’s meant to be, it will be…
I'll just have to settle for writing this here because I could never say it to you directly. Maybe someday you'll read this, maybe not, but here goes...
I love you. I have always loved you. You are my Ashley Wilkes, the one man I will always long for deep in my heart and dream about on the loneliest of nights, even if you aren't right for me. I know you loved me too, at one point or another, but we always somehow missed each other. And now there's no hope left for me at all- this was our final chance- but I'm resigning myself to that. I hope she's deserving of you and I hope she makes you happy. Your happiness is all I ever cared about and it's for this reason that I know my love for you is the purest and greatest I've ever felt for anyone. I always knew this day would come, I just never thought it would be now. Please be careful, dearest. I'll always say a prayer for you and keep you tucked away in a very special place in my heart.
-Your American Girl
"Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am home again.
Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am whole again.
However far away,
I will always love you.
However long I stay,
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you;
I will always love you."